I Wouldn’t Call It The “Worst Online Dating Profile Ever”



Recently, I read this article about Alli Reed, a Los Angeles-based comedy writer for outlets including Man Cave Daily and Maxim magazine, who wrote an online dating profile that was considered to be one of the “worst online dating profiles” ever created.  The Woman did it as a joke so she could see if men really look beyond the picture. 

Sadly, and not to my surprise, men didn’t look beyond the picture.


However, the profile that she created wasn’t really that bad.  I mean, ya she put stuff in there like: “On a typical night I am…knockin the cups out of homeless ppls hands, its sooooo funny to watch them pick it all up lollllll.” and “I’m really good at…convincing people I’m pregnant lol.”

And yes…that can be considered cruel, but most guys would read that and think…“there’s no possible way a person could be this horrible…and even if she was, she’s still hot…” And they would still contact her only because of her looks…..Soooo….ya!…it’s proof that some men really are naive and (for less of a better word)…..stupid. 

Is she saying that all online dating sites are filled with shallow, dishonest people who are truly desperate and lonely and will try to contact anyone they find attractive?  

Pretty Much!!  

Okay, to be fair, the majority of “profiles” posted on those sites are more than likely written by honest, caring persons trying to find someone to spend their time with.  And I admit that I have used online dating in the past and most of the profiles I perused seemed to be well written and somewhat honest, but for every one that is honest, there are probably 100 or more that are lies. For instance, the “social drinker” who can empty a bottle of wine in 20 minutes.  Or my personal favorite, the “Christian” who doesn’t have any idea that being a “Christian” means that you’re a follower of Christ and recognize Him as the messiah and Son of the Living God…not just a “good person”. 

Anyway, let’s just sum it up by saying that there are a number of people on dating sites who are misled and some who aren’t very honest about who they are, and when you meet those people you can form your own conclusions that online dating sites are a good way for people to promote themselves to be someone or something they aren’t.

With that being said, was the profile that Alli Reed created really the “worst profile ever created”.   I don’t think so.  I’ve seen worse.  Here’s a brief overview of one that I created and would like to post on match.com: 


George Costanza

“I’m an alcoholic/drug addict with a co-dependency problem and spend an awful lot of time on porn sites, but I try not to let that get in the way of relationships.

I have “dated” a lot in the past year…ok, well…they were more like “one nighters” that I “paid” for (if ya know what I mean), but I’ve moved on from those and now I’m looking for someone that is willing to provide for me, since I can’t seem to hold down a job.

I have lost the majority of my hair, except for a small patch on my lower back that stretches below my waist and covers the lower half of my body.

I have terrible breath, I talk in my sleep, and I snore something awful.

I have a “minor” weight problem that I have worked on for the majority of my life, but my lack of energy has caused me to quit working out as I would rather sit around smoking, drinking and eating snacks while playing video games and watching movies all day in my mother’s basement.

If you can’t tell, I am EXTREMELY lonely and depressed, and I really just need someone to love me. I’m bringing myself to tears just writing this so I guess I should wrap this up.

Please write me! I’m desperate!

Hope to Hear from you soon!! XOXO”

(Along with these attributes:)

Gender: Male

Drink: OFTEN

Smoke: OFTEN

Height: 5’1

Weight: 275

Faith: NONE

Relationship Status: Never Married

Career:  I post comments on news articles and mine gold on World of Warcraft.

Living Situation: With Roommates

How do you typically spend your leisure time?: Video Games, Counting how many cheese puffs I can stuff into my mouth at once, Reading online profiles, Porn, Watching movies, Trying to avoid my parents, Video games, Watching television, Planning my funeral, Sleeping, Smoking, Drugs and some other stuff.

What Types of Restaurants Do You Like?: Anything that will deliver because I can’t really leave my house since my legs are so swollen and sore. 

What do You Like to Read?: Playboy, Sports Illustrated, Comic Books and I did read a book called, How to Lose 10 Pounds in 30 days but I think I threw it away because it just seemed like a lost cause.

What Activities do You Enjoy?: Throwing stuff at my mom, Counting the bed sores on my thighs, Porn and some other stuff that I can’t mention on here because they won’t accept my profile if I write it so when you contact me, I’ll tell you more about it.  

Please Describe Your Education Level:  I got my GED, but it took me nearly twice as long as anyone else, that was my last accomplishment because I’m not really that smart.  I should mention that I do have a Master’s Degree hanging on my wall, but that’s in my other home on The SIMS. 

Please Detail Anything Else You Want People to Know About You:  I’m really a nice guy, but all I really want is to find someone who will take care of me, bathe me, feed me and just be my maid.  I’m really depressed and lonely.  Since we’d be living at my parent’s house when we get married, you’ll have to get to know them.  Once you get past all the yelling and screaming they are really nice people.  Some people have a problem with the smells, roaches and other bugs in the house, but you learn to get used to them.  I call them my “pets”. 

Other than appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?:  That I can quote every line from every episode of Star Wars and that I’m extremely shy. 

What’s the most important thing you’re looking for in another person?:  That she has breasts.

What are 5 things you “can’t live without?: Cheese Puffs, TriDerma MD Intense Healing Cream,  My Computer,  Porn,  My Parent’s House

What are the 3 things for which you are most thankful?:  Turkey on Thanksgiving, Cheese Puffs, Porn.



(***Personal Note:  The match.com profile above is NOT what I look like and does NOT represent me in ANY way what-so-ever!  It was a fake profile that I created for amusement.)


Yes…I would like to post that on Match.com.  But I’m not doing online dating and if you’re wondering, I don’t think it would get any responses, nor would match.com ever approve of any kind of profile like that anyway.

In conclusion I’m not sure that the profile that Alli Reed created was actually the “WORST dating profile ever created”.  It’s close, but not the worst. 

Oh, and one little piece of advice to anyone who is looking to find “true love” and thinking about online dating:  It would behoove you to avoid online dating sites and instead, have a friend or relative set you up with someone they know and trust.   That way you can get to know someone through a group setting.  It’s much safer and much more honest.  

Again, just my advice…take it for what it’s worth.







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